Colby Louis Hates Everyone.....Including You: Equal Opportunity Asshole

To whom it may concern (and those who aren't really concerned about anything but themselves),

I would like to inaugurate my blogging career with a little insight into the certain truths I hold to be self-evident in America today. It will probably help you to understand why I hate everyone, including you. So here goes:

1. MTV is making you stupid. Heidi and Spencer are totally scripted. Read a book, or a magazine, or even a Mormon pamphlet. You're bound to fell better afterwards.
2. Minor league sporting events are far more entertaining than the pros. And you don't have to pay 7 bucks for a beer at Arena League football games.
3. Inaccessibility makes you way cooler than a constant connection. Trade your Blackberry for a numeric pager. And don't give anyone the number.
4. Your views on the War on Terror don't mean shit. 14 months from now Hillary will be extracting troops from the middle east, and passing legislation that will allow for alternative
fuels, but tax the crap out of your already meager paycheck.
5. Whoever said keep your opinions to yourself was an ignorant prick. Tell everyone what you
think about everything. Especially when they don't ask.
6. Finally, if you choose a moped for your primary form of transportation, stay on the shoulder.
Or, just kill yourself.

With those things being said, I will now dive into the feature topic of today's blog.....America's Homeless. A long time ago in a youth far away, you might have caught me feeding the homeless a nice Turkey dinner on Thanksgiving, or dropping of brand new, lice free blankets at a battered women's shelter. That was before I realized that all homeless people and battered women are self righteous douche bags with schizophrenia and meth addictions. None of these people deserve help because none of these people want help. The only thing these transients and prostitutes want is my toll road and/or value menu money, and I am no longer willing to sacrifice my Junior Bacon Cheeseburger for someone who already have a stranglehold on my tax dollars.
Seriously, 33% of my annual pay funds poorly run HoBo hotels, and I've yet to see a return on my investment. You are paying for this crap too, unless you are yourself a vagrant. In which case you need to get the fuck out of the library, because you smell like dog piss, and you're scaring the children.
Unfortunately this problem is much like Britney's bare vajayjay, in that it won't go away if we simply ignore it(and I would assume the stench is similar). So instead, I suggest a more proactive approach to eradicating these cock-a-roaches from our streets. Next time you see a bum, ask them for change. When they say no, call them an asshole, and tell them Jesus hates them. If you must give them anything, give them alcohol and/or drugs, copius amounts in fact. The sooner these cock suckers overdose on your "stepped on" cocaine the better. Finally, when you see them in the streets, just run them over. You're doing us all a favor.