The pigs are feeding again. Not since the days of Richard Nixon has it been this bad, and until the freaks bring out the big guns, I’m afraid it’s not going to get any better kids.
I’ll start by saying this; I chose not to vote in the 2008 general election because we weren’t given a proper candidate on either side. We had to decide between an off kilter Vietnam POW who was prone to racist rants and spontaneous narcolepsy and the socialist messiah who was saddled with relieving the great white guilt of the past 200 years. And then there was the gynecologist from Texas, the congressional representative from my old stomping grounds in Brazoria County, preaching fiscal responsibility and social freedom. He was the man who was going to bring down the man, and had the following and the funding to do it. And what happened to him? Well, all you fuckers with the Ron Paul stickers were too busy figuring your MPGs for your bullshit hybrid vehicles to actually go vote in the primaries. And that, children, is how we got here, to the eve of Armageddon.
The problem, however, is not entirely with the patsies presented by the GOP and the filthy liberals. The people oppressed by society and stupid enough to buy in to the rhetoric and nonsense of hope and change are just as guilty. And so are the gun toting, abortion hating, right winged fools who pissed the liberals off by re-electing Curious George in 2004. All of whom make up just enough of the population to sway an archaic electoral system from one extreme to another, every 8 years, like fucking clockwork. What’s different this time, you ask? Well, Timmy, it seems we’ve begun to piss off the rest of the world with our arrogant ways. I guess that’s what happens when Americans become dumber and richer at the same time. But be warned, little piglets, the bubble is about to burst. Soon they will be making movies about American slumdogs to show in the multiplexes of Mumbai, and there ain’t a goddam thing you can do about it.
Evidence, you ask? Of course you would, you ignorant son of a bitch. Well, it’s been in front of you for the last 25 years. Fortune 500 companies are continuing to lay off the American work force in search of cheaper pastures while Black Jesus is telling us the economy is bouncing back. The real estate market is on the upswing because the government started dipping deeper in to your paycheck to back mortgages managed by the same people who swindled you in to an adjustable rate in the first place. And Detroit? Babylon itself? What was once the 400 horsepower behind the booming post war economy in the U.S. Well, they fell victim to insanely unreasonable union demands, and they’re borrowing money from you too. Actually, they’re taking money from you with no intention of paying it back, and on top of that, earlier this year they tried to con you in to trading in your perfectly good Jeep Cherokee for a $30,000 “fuel efficient” go cart that isn’t big enough for two hamsters to fuck in? ARE WE STIMULATED YET FOLKS?
As for foreign affairs, we’re about 6 weeks away from entering another Islamic nation on a campaign of “freedom” because they won’t show the UN where the nukes are. Granted their head of state is a fucking whack job, but what religious fanatic with a small dick isn’t? At what point to we quit piddling around in the Middle East and start worrying about our own problems? Haven’t 3000 years of political unrest in this part of the world proven to us it’s a lost cause? If the Jews and Muslims want to argue over barren desert lands until Gabriel blows a goat, I say let ‘em. What’s that you say Timmy? We’re there for the oil? Fuck the oil, sir; we have enough of our own. And when that runs out, T. Boone Pickens will fill our cars with natural gas, and when the gas is gone, well Timmy, you and I will be dead, so what the fuck does it matter to us?
The solution is simple kids. Vote with your brain, not your conscience. Work an honest day’s labor and pay cash for your Xbox and Panda Express take out. And quit letting cable television convince you you’re a real estate mogul. You and I both know you’re not that smart. Start stuffing money in your memory foam mattresses and for shit’s sake, build a bomb shelter, because it’s only a matter of time before the heathens come to get us and lord knows the TSA won’t be able to stop them.
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